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March 19, 2018

SNOW COOL

HEY MONDAY
I'm back!!

snow cool photos by Edgar Allan - HERE
at St Stephen's Green Park - Dublin, Ireland

click the images below to dress snow cool




( fun fact: I said I wasn't going to share the first pic of this post, cause I'm with a weird expression but I loved the shot so much that I forgot about the face and ended up putting it as first! lool just thought that this photo translates perfect the SNOW COOL, right? ) 
big hello to you all!
First, hope you had been doing super! it's been a long time, 3 long months, we didn't talk and I miss you... 

Seems I had been away forever, again! Let the blog hibernate and after my last post welcoming winter - here, I'm back for the Spring!
well! now you think... "you're saying you're back on Spring but you're back with the most wintery photos you ever shared with us!" and you are so right! but these photos are just from yesterday, yessss, you read it well, we had a snowy weekend here in Ireland just when Spring was supposed to be knocking at our doors lol 

Although I'm literally sick of winter days, of cold and lack of sun, there's definitely something with the snow cause, even feeling my body numb from the freezing cold, I found myself enjoying the snow, smiling and laughing as I hadn't for ages... (of course the company helped, a lot! playing around with the experience of a snowy shooting day with Edgar and Remi that I hadn't seen for more more than half year! I can't thank them enough for the day!)


Let me tell you about my lately absence... cause, if you're not a new reader, or a new follower, you've noticed I've started to fade... from the blog, from instagram, from everywhere! I guess this started in the end of 2016 and got worst and worst during 2017! 

I've the Crohn's disease, most of you already know about it, when I started to be sick, and feeling weak and sick all the time, I started to share it more with you. To find some strength and to give some strength, it doesn't matter how little it could be, it can always make a difference, and many times, from inspiring and from being inspired from others I continued to move on - and here I'm not only talking about the blog or social media, I'm talking about the whole life! Cause a chronic illness can mess up your entire life, from professional to friends, from family to social, from your relationship with others as with your own!
I thought I was strong, I thought it would never happen to me, cause my life as always been a mess and I always found a way to move on - sometimes not into the right direction, I agree, but I always kept moving!
I always said that would never let the disease win or control my life, while it was already doing it to me...

The one thing you always need to have in mind is that you're stronger than your weaknesses, than your limitations... accept to live with them but having in mind that you are STRONGER! There's so much more in you than your less good... there's still POWER in you to live and believe! 
I'm holding on these words too, to move on, every single day... )

There's a lot to write about my experience with illness, about what I've learned from my own experience and from others... how I keep moving and the struggles that stop me... hope I can seat here one day and tell you about it, cause one thing that always inspired me to move and believe is seeing others fighting there weaknesses and succeed! There's so much we can win when we share, right?


Moving on to the next step of today's letter...
I'm a perfectionist, not that I knew about it but became a grown up hearing people telling me that all the time, from school to college, from home to work! The crazy thing is, even being a perfectionist my life is the far from perfect it can be loool nothing ever goes right, nothing works properly, I fought many fights and 99% never won but still kept believing you can call me dumb or truly believer, lol 

If one day I found my life, at the same place I did it, I lost it! It takes many things to build a life, a career, a home... to feel happy!

I guess I never wanted to share about my feelings, my illnesses, and never feel comfortable about it  when I'm doing it cause I feel that I'm the one being weak... I met people, their lives... oh my! they have reason to complain and break and still, they move on and fight! they are INSPIRING!
But, on the other hand, I feel that I should let you know how I'm feeling, why I've been away, why I'm fading... why I am struggling! 

There's a lot going on with my thoughts right now, some days they win me and bring me down, sometimes I manage to smile at them and find my way through the day... I don't like what I see in the mirror anymore - always had big insecurities but now they're just crazy, my skin is suffering from the stress I've been through, the wrinkles that suddenly covered my face, I lost a lot of hair and, because of this, I still cry when I look at the mirror, not only because of my image but seeing what I have done to myself! how I let this happened to me! 
I became sad, I became bitter, I became lonely and heartbroken... someone I don't recognise!

I am truly sorry to have become this boring, the light faded... 
But I promise, there are days when the magic still strikes, and I feel that I'm going to make it, and I BELIEVE so, I might be in a gloomy place with less good thoughts flying around my head, but I promise that every time the magic strikes I will hold on it tight! 


Yesterday was one special day, I push myself outside, to meet 2 cool guys for a shooting experience in the snow - Edgar and Remi!
They can't imagine how special it was, moving out, meet with someone and take photos! it is really hard to look at my photos right now, but I just need to accept it until I can make it better... and I did enjoyed it, I laugh a lot, smiled even being shaking from cold, head to toe lool There can be days that I regret forcing myself out, but there are others, like yesterday, that can change my mood for much better completely!! Giving me the will to live and move forward!! So I'm really thankful for this SNOW DAY! 

Grab the little good things you have in life and turn them BIG! it's up to you :)

I was wearing
charlotte simone pompom sass cap
zara yellow puffer jacket - similar here
zara oversized white knit jumper - similar here
topshop jamie black jeans - find jamie jeans here
doctor martens boots - here
furla metropolis mini black bag - here


click the images below to dress snow cool




Now it's the part I apologise for the long text and thank for all the survivors that made it until here! THANK YOU so much for being there, I know that this was not a good post to read, it's too gloomy,  too sentimental but by now, I think we share something special and I should let you know how things are going on this side that made me look less the person you once starting following! 

Guess this is what it is to be more HUMAN and less SUPERHERO :)

photos by Edgar Allan - HERE

Sending lots of LOVE your way wishing you a rocking new week!
If you have some thoughts you want to share with me please do it, would love to hear from you. Comment below or if you prefer send me a PM ( private message ) on my instagram @styletraces - HERE.

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